Days of My LIfe

You  make a plan and in your mind it is PERFECT.  Everything falls into place and nothing goes wrong.  Then, out of the blue something happens, something you could have never planned, something better than you had imagined.  Something or Someone falls from the sky and changes everything.

Art & Music is kind of like that.  You have an idea of where the piece is going and then accidentally something changes, a chord, a note, a word and suddenly the song changes.  The meaning changes and most times it changes for the better.  If you resist the change the power is gone, but when you embrace it you find strength that you didn’t know was there at all. 

This journey I’m on is ever changing and I think I am not only a better musician for it, but a better person.

About a year ago I made the decision to really set off on this adventure of recording an album. I had no idea what that would intale but I knew that it was time.  So here I am almost a year later and all of the hard work is finished and now the waiting game begins.

I sent my album off for duplication, finally, and now I get to wait anxiously.  It has been an amazing journey from writing the material to making arrangements to everything that goes into making an album successful.  There were definitely a few hick-ups here and there but overall I am pleased with how everything worked out. Now I just can’t wait to let the world hear it.

It is kind of nerve racking though, to let the world hear my baby… to hear my heart and soul.  It sort of feels like I’m going on the most important first date EVER

As many of you know, I have always been a plus sized girl.  It is something I have learned to accept and overcome.  I realize that there a ton of reasons why I am heavier and million more excuses. My weight is something I have fought my entire life and had pretty much given in and let it win.  Then one day, I realized that I don’t let anyone, anything, or any circumstance take charge of my life, so why would I let my weight win???

So, I made a decision not to get thin but to get healthy.  I started swimming at least 3 times a week and trying to cut out sweets and reduce carbs.  I was feeling better, especially my back, but for me it wasn’t enough.  It was time to add another level.  I called The Weight Loss Zone, a local organization, and finally I am changing my life.

Finally, I found something that I KNOW is going to work for me.  Maybe its the program, Maybe it’s the great support and encouragement I get from the staff, Maybe its the timing, Maybe its a mixture of all three, but It Is happening.

Are you wondering why am I sharing this on my Music Blog?  Because, I know that if I truly want to be successful in this industry there is a certain expectation.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to become one of those super skinny stars. It is important to me to be a good role model for people and what would be better than being a HEALTHY role model?

I really appreciate the great comments & encouragement everyone has been giving me.  Its nice to know that people out there have the same kind of fears.  I think it is okay to have fears because nothing great has ever been accomplished without fear.  We just can’t hold on to it. 

So, what do we do? We give ourselves a day, we let it out, we acknowledge that the fear is there and then we do something.  Without fear we would never do anything.  It is what drives us to be better for fear that we will waste our lives/talents/days/etc.

The beauty about fear is, when we overcome it and look back to see what we have pushed through we become stronger.  We realize that we are headed in the right direction. We learn that life is not so scary it just feels that way sometimes.

I’m wondering how many great things never happened due to fear.

In my psychology class in college we discussed Fight or Flight.  You know, that feeling you get when times get tough and you want to run away but instead you stay and fight through it.  We have heard all the stories about people who have overcame incredible obstacles to pursue their dreams and wound up on top.  But what about those people who fled, whose fear was too much… what did the world miss out on?

My mind is racing… I realize that many of my dreams have come true. That if I look behind me I can see that I have already overcome many obstacles but, when I look ahead I see even more. 

The obstacles don’t scare me, the solutions do.  There is always that feeling of “if I make the wrong decision where will I end up?”  I’m standing at a fork in the road and each path has a road block, but standing still definitely won’t get me anywhere.  So I weigh my options, assess each solution and jump…

But today, I’m scared.  Today I am feeling “flight”.  So, I guess I will make camp for the night and reassess the situation tomorrow because sometimes the right answer isn’t the first answer.  One day, I will wake up and this big road block will look like a speed bump and on that day, I will “fight”.

Until then I will make the most out of each day, continuing to work towards my dreams, and wait for the moment of clarity.

Wow! I can’t believe my album is so close to being complete.   Last weekend I met with the producer and there are only a few tweeks left and it will be ready to get published and distributed.  I am so excited. 

It is kind of a strange feeling, to know that your dreams are beginning to come true.  I remember when I was a little girl I told my mom I was going to be a singer.  She told me that was great, but I can’t help but wonder what she was really thinking.  She has always been great about encouraging me to pursue my dreams, but I wonder if she didn’t secretly think, “Ok, but you better have a back up plan”.

Well here I am, on the edge of my dream, I’ve been climbing & working toward this my entire life, is it possible that I am almost there? I guess only time will tell.